San Tan Amateur results - Round 1

I played in the San Tan Amateur last weekend, a 2 round event that also served as one of the Arizona Stroke Play qualifiers. Tee to green I hit it pretty good, but I've never putted so bad in my freaking life. 41 putts Friday, 32 putts Saturday, 79 - 74 respectively. How does that happen you ask? Good question. Here we go!

We started on #10 (split tees) in a shotgun format on day 1. #10 at Las Colinas is a dogleg right par 4 that sets up better if you cut the corner, even if you play out of the rough. Hit it right into the corner, ended up in the rough, right where I wanted it. Thinned PW out of it but bad enough to still leave it on the bottom shelf, pin back left. Hit a tentative putt to about 2 1/2 feet and yoked the par putt left. So bad I had to check the grip on my putter to see if it was crooked. #11 is 190 yard par 3, solid 5 iron about 30 feet left, just past pin high. Hit a great putt, downhill left to right, lipped out on the bottom edge, 3 feet left for par. Yoked it again. Decent tee shot on the par 5 twelfth, had 245 in, pin up front. Downhill lie and I literally topped it. Ok, now we're having fun. I have 150 yards left, solid 8 iron to about 10 feet, missed the putt. My first par though, yay.

Thirteen is a short par 4, hit a baby cut driver right down the middle, 105 left. Hit a smooth GW to about 8 feet, pulled the putt left (again) and then pulled the 18 inch tap in left. Again, I look at the putter grip to see if it's crooked. Still straight. 192 yard par 3 14th, hit what I thought was a PERFECT 4 iron, into the wind, drawing dead onto the stick, landed over the green and I was very fortunate it stopped there rather than rolling down the hill, which is dead. Good chip to about a foot and made the putt. Decent tee shot on the par 5 fifteenth, if just a hair right of where I was aiming. 250 yards in, hit a weak cut 3 wood about 20 yards short, eesh what a bad swing. Hardpan lie, bounced the pitch shot into the ball, ended up just over the green. Straight downhill putt, about 5 feet by, missed it, bogey. Good tee shot on 16, PW in, caught it a big heavy, about 20 feet short, but 2 putted by God. 167 yard par 3 seventeenth, the wind pick up just a bit as I was about to go, but thought I'd just muscle a 7 iron anyway, short. Chip and a putt for par. I swear to God I aimed for the left side of the fairway on 18, a tree, a big ass tree, is planted right in the middle of the fairway here. I cold blocked it, dead into the middle of the right half of the fairway. Phew. Pulled an 8 iron pin high, about 20 feet left. Another 2 putt that had my knee's knocking on the par putt. Out in 39, F me. Now I'm pissed, thirty fucking nine?

Absolutely killed the tee shot on the par 5 first, 250 yards left. Hit a solid cut 3 wood, just onto the back edge of the green. Nearly holed the chip shot, 1 inch tap in birdie. Cold blocked driver on #2, got a drop from casual water, then thinned a PW over the back, dead. The best I could do was 10 feet from there, missed the putt, gave back the momentum. Hit a piss poor weak cut tee shot on 3, 149 yards left. Hit a ho hum 8 iron about 20 feet short, first putt about 4 feet short, missed the putt. (New storyline). So one of the guys we're playing with comes up to me and whispers in my ear that instead of asking one of the other players if he wanted me to move my mark, I should have just looked for myself, rather than letting doubt creep into his mind that my mark might be in the way. Ooookay, sure thing brother.

Good tee shot on 4, about 135 yards left, pulled my 9 iron pin high left. Chip shot took off on me, 12 feet to go for par, missed it (that's 3 bogey's in a row for those keeping score). Not a great tee shot on 5, a par 5, left me about 270 yards in. Hit a decent 3 wood, about 10 yards short of the green. Now Mr. Ball Mark etiquette is in the bunker short about 2 feet in front of me. As I'm walking around the bunker I say to him "hey, go ahead if you're ready" as he's already in the bunker. His response? "I don't give a shit who's ready, who's turn is it?" Ummm, dude, are you going to be ok, cause I think you're about to have an aneurism. "It doesn't matter who's ready, it matter who's turn it is." Ok, now at this point, this guy can officially kiss my ass, as he went first on this same Goddamn hole, and it wasn't his box. Which I remind him of, and he replies with "I was asked to go first". So I fire back "Well I just asked you to go first, how in the fuck is that any different?" It goes deathly silent now, and we don't speak for another 2 holes. More on that later. (Sorry about the language, but this is how it unfolded).

Back to it, ok so I stab the chip shot (big surprise), and miss the 25 foot birdie putt by about a mile. I made the 8 footer for par though, jackass made 4 out of the bunker though, where's the justice in that? Pulled 5 iron on #6, just past pin high, hit the chip to about 4 feet and missed the putt. I pull 3 wood on #7 and as we're waiting for the group in front of us, my man actually apologizes for the outburst earlier, we kiss and make up, all is well. Great 3 wood, if not a little too far, on a downslope now. Hit SW but hang it out to the right, just in the fringe, about 8 feet away. The first putt breaks wildly left, about 18 inches for par, and pulled that one too. For the 3rd time, I check my grip to see if it's crooked, nope, still straight. Great 5 iron on #8 to about 6 feet. Another guy in the group however hits it to one foot, so mine doesn't look so great. I am so out of my mind with the putter that I actually left the uphill left to right putt 6 inches short and low. Great 3 you putz.

We get to 9 and there is a community outreach program of some sort papering the neighborhood with flyers. Well about 15 mothers and children are on the teebox on 9 in the shade, talking and laughing and playing tag. They quiet down enough for the first 2 guys to go, but when I stand up it starts getting loud again. I actually backed away and said "Excuse me" 7 times (yes seven) to get their attention so I could ask them to quiet down. After seeing me ask them, they all got up and walked away, right in the middle of my backswing. My God did I hit that tee shot good, absolutely pured. They should have been talking while I was putting all day. I hit some wedge from there and 2 putted, for the life of me I can't remember now. It was all a blur.

And that folks is how you shoot 79 with 41 putts. Pretty damn easy if you ask me. Somebody shoot me now please.